We
have two major types of marriages in Esan Land: Monogamy, a marriage
between one man to one woman and Polygamy, a marriage between one man
to two or more wives.
Traditional marriage is usually an
arrangement between two families in Esan land. However, marriage
ceremonies vary among the different Esan towns and communities. The
Male (The Groom), usually pays the bride-price and is thus considered
the head of the family. Adultery is acceptable for men but forbidden
for women. Sometimes parents actually go looking for a wife or
husband for their children. This led to the BETROTHAL SYSTEM where
marriage was conducted with or without the consent of the individuals
involved. Sometimes such betrothal, takes place at the birth of a
baby girl. Suitors would begin to approach the parents by sending
logs of wood or bundles (multiple yam tubers tied together as a
single load of yams), of yam gifts to the parents of the child. You
are likely to hear statements such as “I have dropped a log of
firewood”, or “My folks already taken yams there”. When a boy
decides to get married and the parents have accepted the bride as a
prospective daughter-in-law, marriage messages of praises or
favorable promises are sent and responded to between the two
families. This is called “IVBUOMO” which means seeking for a
bride. Series of investigations are conducted by both families to
unveil possible diseases, scandals and crimes of a party to the
marriage or of both, which may have adverse impacts on the young
families. This is done to determine if the marriage can be allowed to
move forward or discouraged before the relationship is
formalized.
The terms of the marriage may include the
bride-price, that must be negotiated and settled before the marriage
proceeds in some families. Some other families may elect to allow the
marriage to proceed and progress, to allow the groom to recover and
be adequately able to pay the bride-prize without undue economic
stress. Gifts for mother of the bride and IROGHAE- members of the
extended family would be part of the settlement. Then a date would be
set for the ceremony which would take place in the home of the
bride’s family.
In the marriage process, the bride, now
known as “OVBIAHA” would be led by her relatives to the husband’s
house with all her property meanwhile, the family and friends of the
bridegroom are feasting, drinking, singing and dancing while waiting
for the bride to arrive. As the family and friends of the bridegroom
await the bride (OVBIAHA), messages will arrive suggesting that there
are UGHUNGHUN (barriers) on the road that are inhibiting the arrival
of the bride. The bridegroom has to remove the barriers by sending
money to the parties to work harder to eliminate the obstacles and
bring the bride safely home to him. Failure of the groom to respond
favorably, may actually prevents, permanently, the arrival of the
bride. This stage activities and demands are always well managed that
the result is always the successful arrival of the bride. As they
approach the house of the bridegroom, you can hear the echo of
“OVBIAHA GHA MIEN ARO-ARO”, which means Bride, be proud or the
bride is proud.
Arrival at the bridegroom’s house is
immediately followed by the ceremony of “IKPOBO-OVBIOHA”, which
implies the washing of the bride’s hands. A bowl of water with
money in it would be brought out. A woman in the groom’s family,
sometimes his senior wife would bring out a new head tie, wash the
hand of the Ovbiaha in the bowl and dries her hand with the head tie.
Both the new head tie and the money in the bowl belong to the bride.
A few days later, the bride would be taken to the family altar and
prayers are offered for her. She undergoes what is called the
“IGBIKHIAVBO” ceremony which is beating of OKRO on the flat,
wooden mortar. This would be followed by a visit by the bride’s
mother-in-law and other female members of the families to the newly
wed if they are not living in the same house. She would demand the
bedspread on which they both slept when they had their first sexual
relationship and if the bed-spread was stained with blood, the bride
was regarded as a virgin and would be given many presents including
money. If it is proven that she was not a virgin, then the
preparation for the ceremony of the “IVIHEN” meaning “Oath
taking” ceremony would-be set-in motion.
First, she has
to confess to the older women, the other men in her life before she
got married. The husband would never be told any of her confessions,
then, she would be summoned to the family shrine early in the
morning, without warning to take an oath of FIDELITY, FAITHFULNESS,
TRUSTWORTHINESS, HONESTY etc., to her husband and family. This
ceremony is the equivalent of the oath people take in the church,
mosque or marriage registry. Once the oath taking ceremony is over,
she would be fully accepted back into the family and immediately
becomes married not only to her husband but to the family and the
community.
In recent times, the influences of
Christianity, Islam and Westernization, have weakened the Edo
traditional system of marriage. The traditional ceremony is sometimes
done the same day with many of the rituals avoided in the name of
Christianity or Islam. Many women would rather die than take the oath
described above. It was the oath that kept Edo women out of
prostitution for many years; thus making the Edo women, in general,
to be regarded as very faithful, trustworthy, and honest with strong
fidelity to their marriage and husbands. This keeps the family
strong, supportive of one another as a relational unit. It was this
Esan traditional marriage approaches, family cohesiveness, and
supportive effectiveness that compels men from other tribes to want
Esan women for wives. It also made divorce on the ground of adultery,
less common or non-existence in those days.
THE
DOWRY SYSTEM
Esan
people value their children, male or female, this is why unlike some
cultures; the bride price is very low. The system of paying bride
price back then was rarer, but has become a lucrative system for the
bride’s father. However, only the well-to-do could leave their
daughters to grow before marrying them out.
The payment of
bride price is vital to the conclusion of marriage notable under Esan
native laws and customs, which like any other customary-law marriages
in Nigeria; the bride prize or dowry is recognized under the Marriage
Act of the nation.
In practice to impression that Esan people do
not sell their daughters into marriage, the requested amount for
bride price is usually meagre; 24 Naira (representing 24 cowries or a
few British pounds or pennies as used in the pre-colonial and
colonial days). A huge sum is usually presented these days, from
which the prominent members of the bride’s family would remove a
small amount and return the balance to the groom for his wife, their
daughter`s up keep and support for the new family.
BRIDE
PRICE REQUIREMENTS
Below
is a non-exhaustive list of bride prices. People elect to deliver any
or a combination of a set of the list or others.
1
Umbrella.
1 suitcase filled with clothes (box of wrappers).
2
bottles of hot drinks (schnapps).
1 crate of malt drinks.
1
plate of kolanuts.
1 bag of salt.
25 liters of palm oil for
the bride’s mother.
1 jar of palm wine.
1 carton of wine
for sundry use (the groom should hold this).
3 crates of malt
for women of the lineage.
6 cartons of beer for men of the
lineage (broken down into: 2 cartons of small Guinness stout; 2
cartons of Star beer; 2 cartons of Gulder beer).
28 tubers of
yam arranged in groups of seven.
14 tubers of yam for the eldest
man in the lineage.
N1,500 cash for the dowry.
N5,000 cash
for the bride’s mother.
N3,000 cash for the bride’s
father.
N9,000 cash for the men in bride’s lineage.
N6,000
cash for the women bride’s lineage.
TABOOS
When
a woman is married to an Esan man, it is an abomination for another
man to touch her wrapper, else it is considered as though she has
committed adultery unless the married woman shouts at the man or
reports to her husband.
It is considered an abomination
for a man to sit on the matrimonial bed of an Esan couple as it is
seen as a taboo.
It is also an abomination for a woman to
spit on her husband under any circumstance. If she does, she must
sacrifice a fowl to appease him but the man can bathe his wife with
his own spit.
It is seen as an abomination for an Esan man
to use the same bathing bucket with his wife but due to widespread
Christianity, this taboo has gone into extinction.
The
husband of a woman who just gave birth must stay away from her
sexually for three months as she is considered unclean because of the
post-delivery blood the female discharged.
It is a taboo
for another man to cross outstretched legs of a married woman else it
is considered as though she already had sex with the man.
A
married woman cannot steal her husband’s money in Esan land as it
is seen as an abomination. She must tell him about it.
It
is an abomination for married couples to have sex in the afternoon as
it is believed that a certain spirit would be angered by the
act.
When a woman commits adultery, she will lose her
children and her life as repercussion for the abominable act unless
she confesses and as restitution, she is stripped completely unclad,
a part of her head is shaved, a part of her private part is shaved,
one of her armpits is shaved and both of her hands are tied behind
her, while a basket full of trash is placed on her head. She is then
paraded around the community by other women. If this is not done and
the woman goes ahead to cook for her children, her children will die
one after the other including her. If she also confesses to her
husband and out of love or pity her husband conceals the confession,
he will die within a week, if he eats a meal cooked by the woman.
