Welcome
To Age Of Slaving Parents
Photo Bella Naija
Simon Reef Musa
The task of bringing up children is no longer what it used to
be. Ancient landmarks associated with acceptable codes of training kids have
shifted, and in other instances, completely erased. The African child is
now a cousin of the Western developed economies and respect for rules that once
attracted non-Africans to the virtues of child upbringing as practised in
the past is no longer there.
Call it the changing times, but it is certain that parents, who
are products of the glorious past, have changed their attitudes and embraced
foreign ways of training children. No doubt, modern life, fraught with the jet
age syndrome, where the traditional system has been erased, is largely
responsible for this change of perspectives.
For those who were kids before the 1980s, being children carried
varying responsibilities. Apart from seeing the teacher as an epitome of
discipline and morality, any threat by parents to report a child to their
teachers was then deemed a serious matter that could turn the poor child into a
crying human object for hours.
That was the era when money was taken for only what it was:
currency for the purchase of goods and services. Parents then were not only the
agency of proper children upbringing; but every member of the community was a
rod of discipline for any erring child. Once outside the home, children became
conscious that, though out of their parents’ sight, the eyes of the community
were on them. They dared not misbehave to attract the reprimand of itching
hands that were in a hurry to discipline any form of misbehaviour.
Once beaten outside the home, children avoid carrying the news
home in order to avoid additional punishment. When children cried home in the
past, and reported that they had been beaten outside, they stood the risk of
getting more beatings. In the past, parents have reportedly thanked community
members for beating their children over acts of misbehavior.
It is obvious that though some of the children were beaten by
envious persons, respect for elders and the rationality of their decisions in
disciplining children were unquestionable. In allowing members of the community
to be involved in training children, the consciousness in children to always
behave themselves at all times proved rewarding in making them become good
citizens of not only the community but the nation.
Unlike the fear and respect teachers enjoyed in the past from
their pupils, the reverse is now the case. I visited my village sometime in
2000 and took a walk to the primary school that I still hold in awe. I recall
some of my teachers whose names alone were capable of resetting my mental
state. ‘Bujabuja, Mai Kan Zabo, Dogo’! A summon from any of them was then
instantly capable of drawing tears to many stubborn children’s eyes.
As I entered the class that was then Primary 3 during my time in
school, I recalled how pupils were banned from speaking vernacular. It became
noiseless for many, but for some with an ability to speak smattering English,
they were more proud to have their names on the list of noisemakers than keep
silent with the dumb. The class would eventually turn into a market during the
teaching of the Hausa language.
To my shock, I discovered that some primary school pupils were
then friends to teachers. It was an anathema during my time to be a teacher’s
friend. However, all this has changed with the emphasis on the freedom of the
child. The demarcation between teacher and pupil was then unmistakably clear
and unambiguous. Pupils were meant to respect teachers and not relate with them
on a friendly basis.
Near the primary school I attended, they have built a secondary
school. The relationship between teachers and students, who are still mostly
minors, is a cause for concern. Apart from skipping classes to work on farms
owned by teachers, some of the male students provided accommodations to male
teachers to have “good times” with female students. In some instances, male teachers
have impregnated their female students, thereby leading to the abrupt stoppage
of education for these female students.
Here in Abuja, stories of parents storming schools to settle
scores with teachers accused to have wielded the big stick on their children
are not strange. Some parents have brought up their children to think they are
above corrections. Except in a few situations where some teachers overstretch
their disciplinary instincts by deploying the rod so hard, education
administrators should step in and save the day.
Children are the future. Considering the quality of students we
are churning out from our schools, the future seems to carry bowleg. We must
allow those hard experiences that made us appreciate the fact that life is a
battlefield and nothing good comes easy.
The introduction of Western behaviours, then dubbed as American
lifestyle, became visible in the 1980s when parents, aided by government’s
failure to regulate certain foreign behaviours, caved in to pressures to allow
certain fashion styles that exposed children to the power of money. I recall
that as children in the barracks, it was our pastime to pelt stones on young
girls who were then indecently dressed, and walking the streets in tight
fitting clothes. Though the resistance from religious leaders, especially
Christianity, was not stringent enough to deter young minds, we soon gave up
the stoning session when we woke one bad morning to see our aunties and
sisters, joining the mad chase for beauty.
The danger of this was not in the quest for beautification; the
real danger was the focus on money as the ultimate source of making things
beautiful. It soon became the vogue for village and urban centre girls to
deploy all forms of manipulations to get money from any available source to
walk on the highway of the new fashion. That was what brought the ‘Sugar Daddy’
syndrome into existence where elderly males abandon their families
to fund the luxuries of young ladies in search of better life.
With money as the new god of the age, leaders in public service
soon discovered how they could help themselves by empting public treasury into
their foreign bank accounts for fear of future uncertainty. When in January
1966 Major Kaduna Nzeogwu overthrew the First Republic, he had hinged his action
on corruption where politicians were alleged to demand 10 percent kickback on
contracts. Now, the practice is beyond 10 percent. We have present instances
where jobs are awarded and no work done, but the money is fully paid. Most
departments of government are now collaborating agencies for corruption, making
it difficult for the fight against sleaze and fraud to scale through.
The enthronement of money as the major source of pride remains
the disparagement of our glorious past. When nations monetise their conscience,
the path to excellence is compromised. That is what has made parents to be
constantly involved in the management of their children’s affairs. The ability
to allow children to fall and rise gives them the confidence needed to embrace
the tortuous journey of life. If children of the past could contribute to the
economy of her children by attending to farm chores and participating in
trading to augment the incomes of their parents, there is no reason why today’s
parents would abandon the past and embrace the culture of slaving for children
that are now embracing the epicurean lifestyle.
Children brought under hardship rise to achieve their great
destinies by working towards their future. It is the responsibility of parents
to ensure children are brought up in a way to ensure the greatness of the
future. The prevailing slaving syndrome by parents for their kids is a recipe
for doom.
Parents train children not to live with them but leave them to
dare and make a great future. That is why parents, in collaboration with the
government, must retreat to the ancient landmarks of honesty and sincerity in
order to facilitate the return of yesterday’s greatness.
As it is now, Nigerian parents are presently rationalising self-entitlement demands by their children. This must stop, if we are to build a country where the children are happy to live and dream big, while parents die in contentment.
